I am truly frustrated with insurance

To keep the story up to date, I attend a group of doctors on a monthly basis for pain. They try to help manage my pain with medicine and then they try to come up with solutions that will work better in the long term. Their latest plan was to install a spinal cord stimulator into my back. That is extremely appealing since it will interrupt the pain signals before they ever reach my brain and, unlike all the medicine I take, it will not fog my brain or dull my senses.

The problem is insurance...they denied it. They claimed that a note in my chart made them feel that I was not a candidate for the stimulator. The doctors changed that note and insurance was unswayed. That sent me through the first level of appeals with a letter to insurance asking them to reconsider along with copies of the changed chart. They remained unswayed. During this time, the doctors brought me to the weekly meeting they have to review cases and decide what to do. So five doctors at the clinic came together and decided there were two options for me. Either the stimulator or an intrathecal pump. The intrathecal pump would be nice to stop the pain, but what that means is I carry around a reservoir of morphine implanted in my body that is pumped directly into my spinal cord constantly. It feels to me more like a life sentence than anything else and it scares me to death. I would then be stuck with morphine and refills for the rest of my life. I definitely want to try the stimulator first. If only I can convince insurance of that...

Shop work

The older aquarium air pump used to dry my biodiesel broke. One of the very useful bits it had on it was the ability to change the amount of air that went through it. That allowed me to bubble softly at the beginning to not emulsify the wet biodiesel. Unfortunately, I did not understand its importance until I ran the new bubbler at it's max speed at emulsified the wet biodiesel! So, while it is possible to purchase a bit that will allow us to change the amount of air going through, with the shop as decked out as mine is, we want to make one. So last night my oldest boy and I worked on the lathe and the mill with a chunk of brass to make one. We have the biggest part done and tapped now so this evening will make the screw to adjust the amount of air moving through. Hopefully that will be done tonight and we'll take a picture and put it into production of biodiesel in the back.

Fear

It's tough to describe this fear I had. I sometimes am afraid with things...maybe the way people are driving down the road or if I see my kid riding their bike into the street and a car is coming. On Monday I had a completely different fear. This one was deep. I felt it in the bottom of my gut. I was well and truly afraid. You see, on Monday I had an appointment to sit down with my insurance company and their appeals committee to discuss my latest appeal to their decision to refuse the treatment my doctors have ordered for me.

It's strange. I don't know these people at all. They certainly don't know much about me beyond some folder of information. And yet I feel they hold this tremendous power over me. Boiling it all down, my doctors feel there are two options for my ongoing back pain. Either a spinal cord stimulator which sends electrical impulses through your spine to interrupt the pain signals or an intrathecal pump which pumps morphine directly into your spinal cord to interrupt the pain signals. In my mind, the morphine pump is not merely a solution to the problem, but a life sentence place upon me. A lifetime of not being able to keep my thoughts together as I live through a morphine-induced brain fog as well as being forced to be near my doctor every 30 days for a refill of the pump's reservoir. It certainly is not my first choice for a solution to the problems I am experiencing. The stimulator just tingles and stops the pain signals. The problem is the five doctors at my pain clinic want to try the stimulator while my insurance company has said 'no' on three separate occasions now.

When I went to this meeting with the committee, my plan was to try and show them I am more than a folder of information, but rather I am a human being. I wanted to show them how poor the qualify of life I currently have is and I wanted them to approve the trial of the stimulator. You see, before either of these solutions can be permanently installed into my body a trial needs to be performed. I was hoping they would approve a trial so we could see if it will help the pain I am in. I went in with seven pages of notes and for 45 minutes I tried to convince them I am a human being. I shared stuff with them that I have only shared with my wife. Towards the end, everybody who came with me was tearing up as well as one member of the committee. The other four members of the committee were a mixed bunch. Two of them paid rapt attention to my story and what I have gone through while the other two didn't seem to care and one of them even was flipping through paperwork presumably on the next person during my interview.

So once all of this was done and I shared all of this personal information about me and my family with these strangers they asked some questions. Not a lot of questions and it seemed strange that they would as me about what information I have found to indicate the stimulator works for thorasic pain, but I told them what I knew. And the person who walked us in, stood up, escorted us out and told me we would have a decision in five working days. It was...unsatisfying. All that emotion and all that hurt and all that pain that I laid out in that conference room and the best they will do for me is let me know in five working days. So here I sit, afraid, waiting for five strangers to decide my fate...

Ordination photos

Jules Swickard was kind enough to offer his services as photographer for this event. He turned out to have some talent in this area! Thanks, Jules, for your work.

Picasa ordination web album

Lies and office politics

I've commented a few times here that my new job is very different from what I have been used to. My new job is mostly about people and meeting with them to get things done. Yesterday was a very frustrating day. I understand that I have to deal with office politics and the way things go in my office, but the good news is I have the opportunity to work with five separate groups that all work together for the betterment of the company rather than each individual organization. That has made it easier on my, but it also let my guard down. I was working with another team that is a part of my overall organization and when they told me they had done all the preliminary work on a project we were working on together I believed them. That lasted right up until I had called around and sent emails getting the project going and crowing about what an amazing success it portended. Then the time came to actually put it into practice and it turns out not only did the other group not follow through with what they said they had, but they didn't even know what follow through meant in the way of work! They agreed they had done all the work and didn't even know what work needed doing. Some stuff I am willing to write off as people not willing to expose their ignorance or not understanding things completely, but outright lying to my face is more than I am willing to work with. Now I get to play office politics with this group that lies to me. They now have gone from a week's worth of effort to get their project going to involvement of a month or more and they expect me to drop everything for them.
I find that outright lying to me to be the worst. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I become very frustrated and I am unwilling to give my best efforts to those people as well. I suppose we'll see more how it pans out on Monday when they expect the month's effort rather than ask for it.