More Tests

That was the result of my meeting with the neurosurgeon...more tests. The myelogram showed nothing abnormal, so I have more tests with more doctors starting next week.

*SIGH*

I guess we'll see what happens after that! He's talking about a thin cut MRI along with a bone scan as possibilities to see what's going on in there.

Am I Strange

In just a couple of hours I'm headed off to my neurosurgeon to go over the results of my myelogram. I'm hoping for a result of back surgery! How weird is that? I actually am going to an appointment with my doc wanting to hear I need back surgery! I just want to be able to fix this pain so I can go off all the meds I'm on and start being me again. I'm frustrated with the excuses that I can't do something because of my back problems. That gets old...being grumpy, not being able to lift things, and having to be near my medicine at all times. Ugh. Well, this strange guy is hoping for surgery...I'll know in a few hours.

Our shared journey

I'm excited at the prospect of our sharing this spiritual journey. Yesterday in service I discussed the fact that we need $3300 more to pay back the money needed to get the container to Sri Lanka out of customs. The church there has already paid the original $4000 to get it out and has begun distributing the contents. We've raised $700 so far and need $3300 more to pay them back. That's only $33 from 100 people in the congregation, and if we each agree to fast one item...a lunch or a couple of coffees or some sodas so we can come up with $6.60 each week, we can pay our $33 by Christmas and pay Sri Lanka back for getting the container out of customs. We have the opportunity to not only help out the Sri Lankans with their recovery from the tsunami, but we have the opportunity to grow together as a community with our fasting. This will be a fun shared journey!

It's Weird

I just got back from taking three of my friends from work to church.

Well, maybe since it is Friday and we went at 1200 it wasn't really church, but it was in my theater in my movieplex. We went and saw Casino Royale and the whole time I was pointing out to them...
Here's where the sound board is
And here's where we put the production table

Is there a platform?

Nope, we project the image on the screen

Kewl!

That was a neat experience...and sort of weird, but mostly a good one!

The test

Well, today was the next test on the quest to find the problem in my back. Today's test was a myelogram which is detailed on the web in any number of sites. I'll let you know my experience here.

You head to the hospital at the appointed time. 0730 for me. That was an early wakeup for me, my wife and our sitter. We arrived on time, checked in, then spent the next hour waiting. I suppose since it's called a waiting room I should be used to it. My bad, I figured they wanted me at 0730 to do something to me then. Well, the hour went by and I then got excited as my name was called. Now I was moved to a smaller room (not called a waiting room by the way) where my vital signs were taken. Satisfied I was alive, the helper decided I had way too much dignity and proceeded to explain that I was to put on the hospital johnny with nothing on underneath. So I changed. Well, is changed the right word? I stripped down completely then placed this slip with a hole up the side on. For modesty purposes I had a tie at the neck and a tie at the bottom of my ribs...nothing down lower so my rear was out there in the breeze! So, properly removed of my dignity and placed in a tiny room I once again had the pleasure of waiting...another hour! The second hour having passed, it was decided to move me to the radiology area. This required the use of a wheelchair. I mentioned to them that I can walk as evidenced by my movement from the large waiting room to this smaller, private waiting room, but my arguments were shot down. Into the chair I went and wheeled to the radiology room.

Ahhh, is there anything more comfortable in a slip than a slap of steel with a thin sheet over it? I didn't think so! Here I am, sitting down on the hunk of metal in radiology with the fluoroscope ( a very neat tool) and the radiologist comes in...with his two young, female assistants. Barely looking at me, this doctor decided I still had too much dignity so I lost the lower tie, laid on my belly with my rear in the air as I was swabbed with betadine in preparation. After the swabbing, I was allowed another thin sheet to cover my netherregions as first lidocaine, then the dye were injected into me. Nothing really to say about the proceedure...just a pinch, then pressure, then done. The problem was he wanted the dye up higher than where it was injected. This required they tilt my head down (without me sliding off) while he watched the fluoroscope to see if the dye is in the proper location.

Attempt one consisted of the young, female helpers each choosing a shoulder to hold me on the table as it was tilted down. There I am, all 210 pounds of me being held onto a steel table covered in a sheet by two women that together might come to my weight and I'm sliding off. Well, that attempt was called off, and the medieval torture device was placed on the table. A big ole chunk of steel that holds my shoulders and gives me a handle to hold onto. Then I was once again tilted head down (I really don't know how my privacy sheet was doing, I was trying to stay on the ride) and I waited there until the dye migrated into my thorasic region. I was not allowed to stand after this so the dye stayed where it was needed and my instructions were to prior to going into the CT machine, I was to stick my rear in the air and my head down for a couple of minutes to make sure the dye was in the right place.

Off to the CT room. This has a CT tech and his assistant. I am happy to report they are both male. I am unhappy to report the assistant is slow on the uptake. I was parked on my gurney in the hall outside the CT room with traffic going by and the assistant asked me to assume the position. Yes, the position with my butt in the air and my head down. In a hospital johnny. This is not just a compromising position, but in the state of Utah it might be pornography! I politely asked if we couldn't perform that move in the room, and after realizing I had been humbled enough up until now I was allowed. So I was timed in the CT room performing the manuver, placed into the scanner, scanned, wheeled back to my small private waiting room, my vitals taken again to ensure I remain alive and I was finally released back into the world.

Nothing to it! I have to stop by tomorrow to pick up all the junk my various doctors need to try and put me back together, but the myelogram itself was easy.

Uncomfortable

Sometimes as a leader we need to do some uncomfortable things. It's important we actually follow through and end up doing the things we talk about. I've been going through my last month of pain with a lot of people supporting me, and I have shared with a few about what was going on inside me.

Last night I decided it was important to let my connection group in with the internal struggles my wife and I have been going through. We didn't mean to take over the whole group, rather I hoped to give a 10-minute talk on what was happening, but we ended up spending an hour and a half just sharing what this struggle has meant to us and at the end my group prayed for us and agreed to help with some stuff around the house that needs getting done.

This was a tough choice for this prideful, do-it-on-my-own man, but I asked my group to share my burden last night. To their credit, everybody cried with my wife and I and came around us to help lift us up and help us in tangible ways to continue to cope with this.

I have hope. Today I should be placed on a therapeutic dose of medicine, and I have six more days until my test to see if we can find anything there. It was tough answering questions about where we are mentally, but I appreciate my group more than I can say helping us out.

Sometimes leading means we need to allow ourselves to be torn down. Sometimes it means we need to not only ask for help, but be willing to accept help when it is proferred. Sometimes it's hard.

The Journey

This has been one of the most difficult journeys of my life. I have had surgeries and sprained ankles and torn ligaments and torn knees as well as gall bladder removal and back surgery. Nothing I have experienced up to this point prepared me for chronic pain. My back has basically hurt since February of 2005. Since then I have seen a chiropractor, a masseuse, a accupuncturist, a physiatrist, my family doctor, an internal surgeon, a anathesiologist working with back pain people, a pain clinic for chronic pain and a neurosurgeon. Since this started I have been manipulated by the chiropractor as well as the physiatrist, I have had three separate places work with me on physical therapy, I have had a back brace, my gall bladder has been removed, I have had stim on me so many times I can't count any more, I have had needles poked in me, I have been massaged by six different people, I have worked closely with three nurse practitioners on my medicine needs to combat the pain, I have had spinal fusion with T8-9-10 fused together, I have had an MRI, I have had five separate procedures to test which levels are having pain by injecting lidocaine into the vetebral spaces under fluroscope with no anesthesia, I have had a procedure referred to as RF lesioning where they basically microwave the nerve to cause it to turn off for a while with no anesthesia, I have had phenol injected to burn the nerve and turn it off for a little while twice with no anesthesia, I have had six x-rays and now I am looking forward to a mylogram. For pain I have taken Lyrica, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Acetaminophine, Lortab, Percocet, morphine, fentanyl, a 10-day course of a strong anti-inflammatory and been injected with cortisone.

PHEW!


This has been a tough time for me. Over the course of the last three months, the nerve pain has kicked back on and come on in force to me. It has caused me to evaluate what is important and worry about only those things while other stuff was put on hold. My family is where I've tried to spend my time, but they also have seen some of the worst times for me as well. I had to take a long time off work at the farm, at my Novell job and at church. I have been loved by a ton of people who are praying for me, and others that are helping out with things that need done at my place. I have found that I am an extremely blessed man, and I have suffered seeing many things that I need to do and being unable to get them done. I am still on this journey too. I am not up to a therapeutic dose on my medications yet, so we are still tweaking them to get to a useful level. I still have some tests to do in order to find out what in the world is going on with my back. Fortunately, we are getting somewhere. I can finally feel human most of the time now and can start interacting with people again. My blogging will again start to pick up as I continue to get better and I appreciate the prayers of everyone who has prayed for me and my family. Thanks.